i just had the best weekend - 3 days with God in His loving embrace - it was such an experience
He answered my questions through a Speaker
habang nagsasalita yung speaker, i tried not to cry, kahit sobrang hirap na hirap na...kse i was really touched by her words and it was like God talking to me
i've been asking for answers - answers to the questions that were bothering me for a really long time
and on Feb 16, 2008 - i finally got my answers
"Love, however, is not without its hurts and pains, and this is a reality we gear ourselves for"
the talk was about Pain - or from how i understood it, it was focusing on pain and managing pain
the speaker shared that everytime she cries, she feels God's power hug...her tears are just manifestation of God touching her heart
and it made me realize something...everytime i cry, i feel so helpless, weak...but come to think of it, everytime i cry it is when i find myself surrendering my self to Him and after i cry i feel better...and yes, maybe God did hug me...i know He did
that weekend made me realize lots of things and helped me put into action my agenda for 2008 =)
i need to fix a couple of issues in my life:
1. my relationship with God
it was always there - but i became idle for quite a while, in terms of service that is...
and the conference was a good start - this year, i will transition from YFC to SFC and i am very excited! there's this letter that i got from the conference...and i promise myself that i will read it everyday. that letter really touched my heart - its a letter from God =)
2. my relationship with my family
i am surprised that i am now able to communicate liberally with my parents. i answer their text mesagges with a "Hehe" or "Wow", and i was not like this before. i was very careful in showing emotions to my parents. i tried so hard to keep distant - i wasn't comfortable. now, i find myself sharing my plans with them and just a little more comfortable - i hope this gets better
3. my relationship with people around me
last year, i was such a pain..my patience was super short! i was always in a bad mood, always depressed...i hated everybody, even those i don't know! haha! and then came the last few weeks of 2007 and i decided that i should get my life fixed. i can't go on complaining about how im no longer happy with my job, that my personal life is confusing me, that my realtionship with everyone is just in great chaos. and yes, i tried to fixed things little by little. i was able to close something with someone. even if my questions for him are still hanging there, i decided to move on. that meeting did give justice to that "floating" situation - at least i did something.
now, there's one more thing i need to fix - i had the chance, january 1 2008 - but back then, i got caught up in the situation, i was scared, i was shocked - for me, it was not the perfect time yet.
the talk about pain has given me the courage. it will not be a one time big time thing - i will do it slowly...
things are starting to dawn on me...
1. church - this is where i first saw you
2. i have this concept of a Mr. Big - someone i always get back to - i mean, no matter what had happened - no matter how complicated things are - it's weird - you are my Mr.Big
3. i always pray for someone - and sometimes i question God bakit wala pa rin - come to think of it, baka nga binigay na
4. and why do i still think of this person
5. now the circumstances will not allow what i want to happen - it's medyo painful - but who am i to blame? :p
mmm...now things are clearer to me...it can happen! it is so possible! and that scary feeling is now gone - excitement has replaced it
i am just praying for the best =)
