March 25, 2008

She said: this will probably be the longest text message ill ever send you. i want you to know about a couple of things because you deserve to know. ok, the reason why i asked for the frog back is because i dont want to see mine and be reminded of you. the reason why i stopped using my smart phone is because i only use that for you. i removed you from my friendster because i dnt want to see your pictures. when you failed to greet me at exactly 12 midnight during my birthday, i used that as a reason to be mad at you.y? because i though being mad at you would make things easier for me. hating you will make me not think of you. especially when you told me that your wish is for me to find someone. having said that, i want you to know that i am hurting and i dont know when i can finally get rid of you. it was difficult to see you last week. it was difficult to ask for the frog back. i wanted to talk to you but i was afraid that i might break down. i dont want to break down, not in front of you. so there, i need your help, i need you to tell me that its over. i know it is, but i want to get it directly from you. stop giving me wrong signals and make me believe that there is still something. and i don't want us to be friends. at least until i have finally moved on. i don't care what will happen after this, but i hope its for the better. for me at least, i know you're doing great. and let's not communicate anymore, i am ok until i get a text from you and i'd get totally emotional and distracted. so there, whew! i never thought i'd be able to tell you these..especially admit that i'm hurting. don't say sorry, this is all my fault. its ok if you won't reply, you usually don't anyway. i guess i will be better now. thanks for reading.

he said: i'm just waiting for you to say this...If this is really what you want, then i gues this is it. i also want you to be happy. whatever reasons i have for holding on to you for such a long time will just be mine. i hope we can still be friends someday. im sorry, but you'll still be special...you'll be ok..trust me, you will be..its ok to hate me, just don't forget me..that somehow i've been part of you...sory for hurting you that bad...for being selfish..for making you hope for something from me...i know you'll move on...thanks for everything.

silence...

he said: halong pirme..bye! :(

silence....

he said: i hope you'll be brave enough to risk if you find someone for you someday...i apologize for causing you much pain. for hurting you over and over again...im still here if you need somebody to talk to...you can't just throw me away...find a good man...ang indi palahubog ha? kag please reply, bisan hambalon mo lang i hate you...thanks for saying what you really feel for the first time..at least i know what was going on with you. God has His own reasons for this...i know...good night...im gonna flood my pillow again...

she said: i dnt hate you...budlay lang gid ya...

because its easier that way...

you asked: akig ka sakon?

i answered: i am not

you said: daw ka mean cmo sang birthday mo...hehe..btw, musta?

i said: what was so mean about that?nyway, im ok, thanks for asking...

why am i acting like this? because its easier this way...im sorry i need to hate you...i need to be mean to you...its easier this way and after all these years, i kinda want the easy way out...

i sooooo want to tell you that ill be joing clp soon...i know you'll be happy....but then again, I'm trying my best not to have anything to do with you whatsoever...

i'm not sure if i'm being unfair...i kinda don't care anymore...

i'm almost out

the day mcdreamy chose the wife over grey

I just love the parallelism in Grey's Anatomy

tonight, the episode was about a train accident. there were two passengers who got stuck to each other because of a metal pole that went through their bodies - gross -i know

to be able to save the man's life, the woman should be removed - this procedure could kill her

their injuries had been severe that they can no longer feel any pain.

they were then separated - both unconscious - the doctors tried to save both lives but they can only do so much. when the man was showing some sort of "breaking down", the doctors who were attending to the girl needed to help those who were operating the man. meredith was left alone with the girl. then she started to scream "what about the girl" - but there was nothing to salvage - of the two, she had the worst injury - she died.

at the elevator, mcdreamy was feeling uneasy, his fellow surgeon, doctor torres, noticed this and she halted the elevator. mcdreamy went to the corner of the elevator and broke down. after a couple of seconds, he was ok again and they went out of the elevator.

mcdreamy went out of the hospital with his wife.

i guess, that is just how things are...some can no longer be saved because there is nothing to salvage anymore..too much injury will allow you to not feel any pain...and people make the hardest decisions - and most of the time, in most of these decisions, someone or something has to give way for the sake of everybody...and what's left to do is to break down for a couple of seconds and get back to reality...again