The Nile

again, is not just a river in Egypt.

after gazillions of years, here I am..blogging.

ok - i hate it when I am reminded of the pain. I wasn't expecting it..hahahaha! too bad, it was very very very close to it!

anyhoo, in 2 hours I'm going back to "I am ok, it's been too long, I'm moving on" state

thank you delete function :)

2009 is ME Year

This year's new year - or last year's new year's eve - basta parang ganun - was nothing special. Unlike the year before. Last year, I welcomed the new year with a huge smile on my face. The first drop of rain sort of told me that 2008 was going to be my year. There was something about that new year. Oh well, it was dramatic and all - so i wasn't really sure. This year, it was just Ok. There still was drama, but very minimal compared to last year. And it was raining - so lots of drops-droplets.

Anyhoo, to summaarize 2008:
First quarter: Getting things done because i want to get out of this crap
First quarter was about finishing what I had to finish - both on my personal crap and career. I was able to speak my mind and expressed what i really wanted - so there! tralala! yahoo! was able to get them. I thought, things are going my way, this is awesome!

Second Quarter: Let's go to the beach and Edward Cullen
It was my first "regional trip" with my friends. Daene, Ali, Katt and I went to Iloilo, Guimaras and Bora. It was fun fun fun even if it was storming and all. It was also my 2nd time to get really wasted - bwahahaha! During our team offsite, my teammates had to carry me back to my room. As expected, I wasn't, still can't remember anything! And of course, the Twilight bug - 'nuff said.

Third Quarter: Frank the drunk and making ends meet and SFC
It was during this quarter when typhoon Frank hit the Philippines and caused great, ginormous damage to Iloilo. It was a killer flash flood. According to my friends who were there when the tragedy happened, animals were literally swimming or just "flowing" with the current. People were on roofs, cold and hungry. There were those who were literally hanging on trees because the current was so strong it was impossible to swim. Coffins were floating, trees and houses were uprooted. We lost almost something something worth of stocks. I had to be extra thrifty because I needed to help out. Our business is recovering slowly, but lots of plans were put on hold becuase of Frank the drunk. Oh well, I'm still thankful that no one got hurt. This was also the quarter when I became officially, a Single for Christ :)

Fourth Quarter: First International Trip with Friends
It was our first time to go out of the country for a vacation. It was also my first time to go to the beach with Carms. It was one hell of a vacation. Lots of "huwat?" moments. It was a hilarious trip!
Thank you 2008 for the learnings, the experiences, the people i met, the realizations, the craziness, the opportunities, the good health - 2008, you rock!

So, what will 2009 gonna be? I'm calling this, the ME YEAR!

2009 will be all about ME! Lots of time for me, lots of stuffs for me, lots of firsts for me. ME ME ME! I'm not being selfish or anything. But I realized, last year, that all my life, it has been about other people. It was about their expectations, it was about what they will think, it was about what will make them happy. I'm not being rebellious, I just want to focus on Me this year. And, I'm starting the year right. I'm getting good roles at work, I have planned vacations, spas, and parlor days. I'm planning to grow my hair long and have it curled. I want to be fabulous this year. I will only think of things that I want. I will be who I always wanted to be - a better happier ME!!!

why the Beatles made it

So, i was hoping that i'll be able to come up with a blog entry nd thanks to nick and norah, i was able to come up with one. If i may quote directly "i wanna hold your hand." first single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That's what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can't hide. Every successful love song of the past fifty years can be traced back to 'i wanna hold your hand'. And every successful love story has those unbearable unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding".

Maybe that's all i ever wanted. I wanna hold his hand.

phone blogging

ok, so im blogging using my new phone...yup.!hardcore yabang!bwahahahah! And yeah, basically abusing the free wifi here at the honda show room. My friend is waiting for his new seat covers...and we've been waiting for like 2 hours already...oh well, they should have, like coffee or something. Anyhoo, i tried to connect to be able to check on my mob. Unfortunately facebook doesnt show the mob wars link. Oh well...till next free wifi!

mmm...where to begin?

I don't know where to begin - not really a good intro for this blog entry.

A very unexpected news was delivered to me today - and it took me a while - literally, a while to digest it. I am not good with these things. I didn't know how to react. I tried to suppress it but my tear ducts can only do so much. So I cried. I promised myself that I will never cry in front of him. No matter how mean he was when I was just starting my career or how he murdered my deliverables - I will not cry. I am strong and I will never ever show any sign of weakness. I am in control of my emotions and I will deal with things as professionally as possible. Well, maybe today was an exception.

So why the reaction? Was I being selfish? Was I being irrational? I think I was just overwhelmed. This person, more than anyone else, to date, had the greatest impact on my career. He has influenced me in many ways. He inspired me to work hard because he believed in me. He believed in my capabilities. I was confident that I can because he was confident that I can.

He did fed me to the sharks but he never let them swallow me alive. The reason why I was also brave enough to face them was becuase I knew that he's gonna pull me out before they sink their teeth on my pride.

He never said "that's how it is, suck it up!". He asked, he made me think, he made me realize what I really want. He allowed me to question.

I still need him - we need him. I'm moving to a new role and I think this is when I need his mentorship the most. He is not just a good leader and inspiring mentor, he is a good friend who cares - and this is why it's difficult to be "ok" with it.

drooling...

I'm currently crushing on the Groove boys. Their performance during the HP Fundraising event was really drool material. I never saw these guys dance this flowy. Dream come true for me actually, to witness a pogi dance performed by the people i personally know.

I'm also crushing on the Flamenco girls. It was another first for Groove and it makes me want to learn Flamenco. I love the skirt, the facial expression, the elegant sophisticated steps. Amazing.

I'm crushing on the Street Girls - tough girls this time! We are used to seeing Groove girls perform more kembot dances, this time they were the tough "may angal ka" ones.

It was great to finally be in the audience and watch them dance.

Edward Cullen

i hate whole day meetings - it's more mentally draining than looking at SAP screen for the entire day.

I'm scared...I really am

I don't know why I said yes to these responsibilities. From now 'till I don't know when, a lot is expected from me. Everyone is expecting. If my plans fail, I fail.

It has been a long time since I took accountability of something and I forget how it feels to take charge.

I'm really scared...and it would be extra nice if there's someone you can be scared with.