mmm...where to begin?

I don't know where to begin - not really a good intro for this blog entry.

A very unexpected news was delivered to me today - and it took me a while - literally, a while to digest it. I am not good with these things. I didn't know how to react. I tried to suppress it but my tear ducts can only do so much. So I cried. I promised myself that I will never cry in front of him. No matter how mean he was when I was just starting my career or how he murdered my deliverables - I will not cry. I am strong and I will never ever show any sign of weakness. I am in control of my emotions and I will deal with things as professionally as possible. Well, maybe today was an exception.

So why the reaction? Was I being selfish? Was I being irrational? I think I was just overwhelmed. This person, more than anyone else, to date, had the greatest impact on my career. He has influenced me in many ways. He inspired me to work hard because he believed in me. He believed in my capabilities. I was confident that I can because he was confident that I can.

He did fed me to the sharks but he never let them swallow me alive. The reason why I was also brave enough to face them was becuase I knew that he's gonna pull me out before they sink their teeth on my pride.

He never said "that's how it is, suck it up!". He asked, he made me think, he made me realize what I really want. He allowed me to question.

I still need him - we need him. I'm moving to a new role and I think this is when I need his mentorship the most. He is not just a good leader and inspiring mentor, he is a good friend who cares - and this is why it's difficult to be "ok" with it.