She said: this will probably be the longest text message ill ever send you. i want you to know about a couple of things because you deserve to know. ok, the reason why i asked for the frog back is because i dont want to see mine and be reminded of you. the reason why i stopped using my smart phone is because i only use that for you. i removed you from my friendster because i dnt want to see your pictures. when you failed to greet me at exactly 12 midnight during my birthday, i used that as a reason to be mad at you.y? because i though being mad at you would make things easier for me. hating you will make me not think of you. especially when you told me that your wish is for me to find someone. having said that, i want you to know that i am hurting and i dont know when i can finally get rid of you. it was difficult to see you last week. it was difficult to ask for the frog back. i wanted to talk to you but i was afraid that i might break down. i dont want to break down, not in front of you. so there, i need your help, i need you to tell me that its over. i know it is, but i want to get it directly from you. stop giving me wrong signals and make me believe that there is still something. and i don't want us to be friends. at least until i have finally moved on. i don't care what will happen after this, but i hope its for the better. for me at least, i know you're doing great. and let's not communicate anymore, i am ok until i get a text from you and i'd get totally emotional and distracted. so there, whew! i never thought i'd be able to tell you these..especially admit that i'm hurting. don't say sorry, this is all my fault. its ok if you won't reply, you usually don't anyway. i guess i will be better now. thanks for reading.
he said: i'm just waiting for you to say this...If this is really what you want, then i gues this is it. i also want you to be happy. whatever reasons i have for holding on to you for such a long time will just be mine. i hope we can still be friends someday. im sorry, but you'll still be special...you'll be ok..trust me, you will be..its ok to hate me, just don't forget me..that somehow i've been part of you...sory for hurting you that bad...for being selfish..for making you hope for something from me...i know you'll move on...thanks for everything.
silence...
he said: halong pirme..bye! :(
silence....
he said: i hope you'll be brave enough to risk if you find someone for you someday...i apologize for causing you much pain. for hurting you over and over again...im still here if you need somebody to talk to...you can't just throw me away...find a good man...ang indi palahubog ha? kag please reply, bisan hambalon mo lang i hate you...thanks for saying what you really feel for the first time..at least i know what was going on with you. God has His own reasons for this...i know...good night...im gonna flood my pillow again...
she said: i dnt hate you...budlay lang gid ya...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
because its easier that way...
you asked: akig ka sakon?
i answered: i am not
you said: daw ka mean cmo sang birthday mo...hehe..btw, musta?
i said: what was so mean about that?nyway, im ok, thanks for asking...
why am i acting like this? because its easier this way...im sorry i need to hate you...i need to be mean to you...its easier this way and after all these years, i kinda want the easy way out...
i sooooo want to tell you that ill be joing clp soon...i know you'll be happy....but then again, I'm trying my best not to have anything to do with you whatsoever...
i'm not sure if i'm being unfair...i kinda don't care anymore...
i'm almost out
i answered: i am not
you said: daw ka mean cmo sang birthday mo...hehe..btw, musta?
i said: what was so mean about that?nyway, im ok, thanks for asking...
why am i acting like this? because its easier this way...im sorry i need to hate you...i need to be mean to you...its easier this way and after all these years, i kinda want the easy way out...
i sooooo want to tell you that ill be joing clp soon...i know you'll be happy....but then again, I'm trying my best not to have anything to do with you whatsoever...
i'm not sure if i'm being unfair...i kinda don't care anymore...
i'm almost out
Monday, March 3, 2008
the day mcdreamy chose the wife over grey
I just love the parallelism in Grey's Anatomy
tonight, the episode was about a train accident. there were two passengers who got stuck to each other because of a metal pole that went through their bodies - gross -i know
to be able to save the man's life, the woman should be removed - this procedure could kill her
their injuries had been severe that they can no longer feel any pain.
they were then separated - both unconscious - the doctors tried to save both lives but they can only do so much. when the man was showing some sort of "breaking down", the doctors who were attending to the girl needed to help those who were operating the man. meredith was left alone with the girl. then she started to scream "what about the girl" - but there was nothing to salvage - of the two, she had the worst injury - she died.
at the elevator, mcdreamy was feeling uneasy, his fellow surgeon, doctor torres, noticed this and she halted the elevator. mcdreamy went to the corner of the elevator and broke down. after a couple of seconds, he was ok again and they went out of the elevator.
mcdreamy went out of the hospital with his wife.
i guess, that is just how things are...some can no longer be saved because there is nothing to salvage anymore..too much injury will allow you to not feel any pain...and people make the hardest decisions - and most of the time, in most of these decisions, someone or something has to give way for the sake of everybody...and what's left to do is to break down for a couple of seconds and get back to reality...again
tonight, the episode was about a train accident. there were two passengers who got stuck to each other because of a metal pole that went through their bodies - gross -i know
to be able to save the man's life, the woman should be removed - this procedure could kill her
their injuries had been severe that they can no longer feel any pain.
they were then separated - both unconscious - the doctors tried to save both lives but they can only do so much. when the man was showing some sort of "breaking down", the doctors who were attending to the girl needed to help those who were operating the man. meredith was left alone with the girl. then she started to scream "what about the girl" - but there was nothing to salvage - of the two, she had the worst injury - she died.
at the elevator, mcdreamy was feeling uneasy, his fellow surgeon, doctor torres, noticed this and she halted the elevator. mcdreamy went to the corner of the elevator and broke down. after a couple of seconds, he was ok again and they went out of the elevator.
mcdreamy went out of the hospital with his wife.
i guess, that is just how things are...some can no longer be saved because there is nothing to salvage anymore..too much injury will allow you to not feel any pain...and people make the hardest decisions - and most of the time, in most of these decisions, someone or something has to give way for the sake of everybody...and what's left to do is to break down for a couple of seconds and get back to reality...again
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
go signal
i turned 23 today...
i thank God for 23 amazing years!!!
and i got my go signal...he didn't greet me at exactly 12 midnight
it was our tradition - aside from meeting up at new year's eve, during birthdays, we greet each other at exactly 12 midnight - this year, i did greet him at exactly 12 midnight...i was the first person to greet him
he didn't
i've been asking for a sign...i guess this is it
i thank God for 23 amazing years!!!
and i got my go signal...he didn't greet me at exactly 12 midnight
it was our tradition - aside from meeting up at new year's eve, during birthdays, we greet each other at exactly 12 midnight - this year, i did greet him at exactly 12 midnight...i was the first person to greet him
he didn't
i've been asking for a sign...i guess this is it
Sunday, February 17, 2008
you have a home in my heart
i just had the best weekend - 3 days with God in His loving embrace - it was such an experience
He answered my questions through a Speaker
habang nagsasalita yung speaker, i tried not to cry, kahit sobrang hirap na hirap na...kse i was really touched by her words and it was like God talking to me
i've been asking for answers - answers to the questions that were bothering me for a really long time
and on Feb 16, 2008 - i finally got my answers
"Love, however, is not without its hurts and pains, and this is a reality we gear ourselves for"
the talk was about Pain - or from how i understood it, it was focusing on pain and managing pain
the speaker shared that everytime she cries, she feels God's power hug...her tears are just manifestation of God touching her heart
and it made me realize something...everytime i cry, i feel so helpless, weak...but come to think of it, everytime i cry it is when i find myself surrendering my self to Him and after i cry i feel better...and yes, maybe God did hug me...i know He did
that weekend made me realize lots of things and helped me put into action my agenda for 2008 =)
i need to fix a couple of issues in my life:
1. my relationship with God
it was always there - but i became idle for quite a while, in terms of service that is...
and the conference was a good start - this year, i will transition from YFC to SFC and i am very excited! there's this letter that i got from the conference...and i promise myself that i will read it everyday. that letter really touched my heart - its a letter from God =)
2. my relationship with my family
i am surprised that i am now able to communicate liberally with my parents. i answer their text mesagges with a "Hehe" or "Wow", and i was not like this before. i was very careful in showing emotions to my parents. i tried so hard to keep distant - i wasn't comfortable. now, i find myself sharing my plans with them and just a little more comfortable - i hope this gets better
3. my relationship with people around me
last year, i was such a pain..my patience was super short! i was always in a bad mood, always depressed...i hated everybody, even those i don't know! haha! and then came the last few weeks of 2007 and i decided that i should get my life fixed. i can't go on complaining about how im no longer happy with my job, that my personal life is confusing me, that my realtionship with everyone is just in great chaos. and yes, i tried to fixed things little by little. i was able to close something with someone. even if my questions for him are still hanging there, i decided to move on. that meeting did give justice to that "floating" situation - at least i did something.
now, there's one more thing i need to fix - i had the chance, january 1 2008 - but back then, i got caught up in the situation, i was scared, i was shocked - for me, it was not the perfect time yet.
the talk about pain has given me the courage. it will not be a one time big time thing - i will do it slowly...
things are starting to dawn on me...
1. church - this is where i first saw you
2. i have this concept of a Mr. Big - someone i always get back to - i mean, no matter what had happened - no matter how complicated things are - it's weird - you are my Mr.Big
3. i always pray for someone - and sometimes i question God bakit wala pa rin - come to think of it, baka nga binigay na
4. and why do i still think of this person
5. now the circumstances will not allow what i want to happen - it's medyo painful - but who am i to blame? :p
mmm...now things are clearer to me...it can happen! it is so possible! and that scary feeling is now gone - excitement has replaced it
i am just praying for the best =)
He answered my questions through a Speaker
habang nagsasalita yung speaker, i tried not to cry, kahit sobrang hirap na hirap na...kse i was really touched by her words and it was like God talking to me
i've been asking for answers - answers to the questions that were bothering me for a really long time
and on Feb 16, 2008 - i finally got my answers
"Love, however, is not without its hurts and pains, and this is a reality we gear ourselves for"
the talk was about Pain - or from how i understood it, it was focusing on pain and managing pain
the speaker shared that everytime she cries, she feels God's power hug...her tears are just manifestation of God touching her heart
and it made me realize something...everytime i cry, i feel so helpless, weak...but come to think of it, everytime i cry it is when i find myself surrendering my self to Him and after i cry i feel better...and yes, maybe God did hug me...i know He did
that weekend made me realize lots of things and helped me put into action my agenda for 2008 =)
i need to fix a couple of issues in my life:
1. my relationship with God
it was always there - but i became idle for quite a while, in terms of service that is...
and the conference was a good start - this year, i will transition from YFC to SFC and i am very excited! there's this letter that i got from the conference...and i promise myself that i will read it everyday. that letter really touched my heart - its a letter from God =)
2. my relationship with my family
i am surprised that i am now able to communicate liberally with my parents. i answer their text mesagges with a "Hehe" or "Wow", and i was not like this before. i was very careful in showing emotions to my parents. i tried so hard to keep distant - i wasn't comfortable. now, i find myself sharing my plans with them and just a little more comfortable - i hope this gets better
3. my relationship with people around me
last year, i was such a pain..my patience was super short! i was always in a bad mood, always depressed...i hated everybody, even those i don't know! haha! and then came the last few weeks of 2007 and i decided that i should get my life fixed. i can't go on complaining about how im no longer happy with my job, that my personal life is confusing me, that my realtionship with everyone is just in great chaos. and yes, i tried to fixed things little by little. i was able to close something with someone. even if my questions for him are still hanging there, i decided to move on. that meeting did give justice to that "floating" situation - at least i did something.
now, there's one more thing i need to fix - i had the chance, january 1 2008 - but back then, i got caught up in the situation, i was scared, i was shocked - for me, it was not the perfect time yet.
the talk about pain has given me the courage. it will not be a one time big time thing - i will do it slowly...
things are starting to dawn on me...
1. church - this is where i first saw you
2. i have this concept of a Mr. Big - someone i always get back to - i mean, no matter what had happened - no matter how complicated things are - it's weird - you are my Mr.Big
3. i always pray for someone - and sometimes i question God bakit wala pa rin - come to think of it, baka nga binigay na
4. and why do i still think of this person
5. now the circumstances will not allow what i want to happen - it's medyo painful - but who am i to blame? :p
mmm...now things are clearer to me...it can happen! it is so possible! and that scary feeling is now gone - excitement has replaced it
i am just praying for the best =)
Friday, January 4, 2008
someone to watch over me...
originally posted July 06, 2006
ok, so i love that song...it's a classic but i never dreamed of it happening literally! meaning, someone's looking at you from a far, for 9 freaking years! aka, stalker...or not really. then after 9 years, this person would txt you and tell you that he's always thinking about you, praying for you (which is by the way, a good thing...hehe...) and that he's hoping that someday, the two of you can actually have a normal conversation.if you are in that position, would you be happy? flattered? or freaked out?i always have a problem when it comes to "giving" reactions. most of the time i react based on impulse and later on contemplate if i "gave" the right/proper reaction.for one, i am a little "reserved" and interact only once in a while. i have to be in a rowdy group to be able to talk. or i can be in a group intimidated by my persence to be able to talk. or i can just be with myself and talk, hehe...now that's creepy...
so, plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....talk to me! i won't talk to you if you won't initiate! and never ever tell me that you can't approach me now because, because, because....arrrggggghhhh!
ok, so i love that song...it's a classic but i never dreamed of it happening literally! meaning, someone's looking at you from a far, for 9 freaking years! aka, stalker...or not really. then after 9 years, this person would txt you and tell you that he's always thinking about you, praying for you (which is by the way, a good thing...hehe...) and that he's hoping that someday, the two of you can actually have a normal conversation.if you are in that position, would you be happy? flattered? or freaked out?i always have a problem when it comes to "giving" reactions. most of the time i react based on impulse and later on contemplate if i "gave" the right/proper reaction.for one, i am a little "reserved" and interact only once in a while. i have to be in a rowdy group to be able to talk. or i can be in a group intimidated by my persence to be able to talk. or i can just be with myself and talk, hehe...now that's creepy...
so, plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....talk to me! i won't talk to you if you won't initiate! and never ever tell me that you can't approach me now because, because, because....arrrggggghhhh!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
New Year's Resolution
nyahaha! i just love blogging!
People say na wag na daw mag new year's resolution kse hindi rin naman mangyayari or hindi rin naman masusunod. I never had a formal new year's resolution, so i really can't tell. For some reason, i want to have concrete resolutions for this year..hehe..
so, here:
1. find more reasons to smile
2. manage stress better
3. more time for family, friends and me
4. try not to be a workaholic
5. no to alcohol
6. save, save, save
7. be more health conscious
8. love more, enough with holding back -> be a risk taker at this field..nyahaha!
9. deal with life one day at a time
10. be happy
there...sana magawa ko lahat yan..haha!
People say na wag na daw mag new year's resolution kse hindi rin naman mangyayari or hindi rin naman masusunod. I never had a formal new year's resolution, so i really can't tell. For some reason, i want to have concrete resolutions for this year..hehe..
so, here:
1. find more reasons to smile
2. manage stress better
3. more time for family, friends and me
4. try not to be a workaholic
5. no to alcohol
6. save, save, save
7. be more health conscious
8. love more, enough with holding back -> be a risk taker at this field..nyahaha!
9. deal with life one day at a time
10. be happy
there...sana magawa ko lahat yan..haha!
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