why the Beatles made it

So, i was hoping that i'll be able to come up with a blog entry nd thanks to nick and norah, i was able to come up with one. If i may quote directly "i wanna hold your hand." first single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That's what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can't hide. Every successful love song of the past fifty years can be traced back to 'i wanna hold your hand'. And every successful love story has those unbearable unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding".

Maybe that's all i ever wanted. I wanna hold his hand.

phone blogging

ok, so im blogging using my new phone...yup.!hardcore yabang!bwahahahah! And yeah, basically abusing the free wifi here at the honda show room. My friend is waiting for his new seat covers...and we've been waiting for like 2 hours already...oh well, they should have, like coffee or something. Anyhoo, i tried to connect to be able to check on my mob. Unfortunately facebook doesnt show the mob wars link. Oh well...till next free wifi!

mmm...where to begin?

I don't know where to begin - not really a good intro for this blog entry.

A very unexpected news was delivered to me today - and it took me a while - literally, a while to digest it. I am not good with these things. I didn't know how to react. I tried to suppress it but my tear ducts can only do so much. So I cried. I promised myself that I will never cry in front of him. No matter how mean he was when I was just starting my career or how he murdered my deliverables - I will not cry. I am strong and I will never ever show any sign of weakness. I am in control of my emotions and I will deal with things as professionally as possible. Well, maybe today was an exception.

So why the reaction? Was I being selfish? Was I being irrational? I think I was just overwhelmed. This person, more than anyone else, to date, had the greatest impact on my career. He has influenced me in many ways. He inspired me to work hard because he believed in me. He believed in my capabilities. I was confident that I can because he was confident that I can.

He did fed me to the sharks but he never let them swallow me alive. The reason why I was also brave enough to face them was becuase I knew that he's gonna pull me out before they sink their teeth on my pride.

He never said "that's how it is, suck it up!". He asked, he made me think, he made me realize what I really want. He allowed me to question.

I still need him - we need him. I'm moving to a new role and I think this is when I need his mentorship the most. He is not just a good leader and inspiring mentor, he is a good friend who cares - and this is why it's difficult to be "ok" with it.

drooling...

I'm currently crushing on the Groove boys. Their performance during the HP Fundraising event was really drool material. I never saw these guys dance this flowy. Dream come true for me actually, to witness a pogi dance performed by the people i personally know.

I'm also crushing on the Flamenco girls. It was another first for Groove and it makes me want to learn Flamenco. I love the skirt, the facial expression, the elegant sophisticated steps. Amazing.

I'm crushing on the Street Girls - tough girls this time! We are used to seeing Groove girls perform more kembot dances, this time they were the tough "may angal ka" ones.

It was great to finally be in the audience and watch them dance.

Edward Cullen

i hate whole day meetings - it's more mentally draining than looking at SAP screen for the entire day.

I'm scared...I really am

I don't know why I said yes to these responsibilities. From now 'till I don't know when, a lot is expected from me. Everyone is expecting. If my plans fail, I fail.

It has been a long time since I took accountability of something and I forget how it feels to take charge.

I'm really scared...and it would be extra nice if there's someone you can be scared with.

I am Christina...

Obviously that is not my name.

I was thinking of something to blog about and I thought visiting my favorite sites will give me something to blog about. As always, first site to open is Multiply - nothing there. Second site to open is Facebook - shadan! Bingo! something to blog about!

My good friend Dozi posted a Grey's Anatomy Personality Quiz widget. I thought, i'll take the quiz and maybe blog about the result.

I always thought I am a Meredith Grey - confused, commitment phobe but is driven, straight forward and cares for her friends. After taking the 10-item quiz, I was surprised to find out that I am actually a Christina Yang. I like Christina. She's funny, sarcastic, cynical, smart, driven, has weird ways of coping with stress and depression.

Yeah, I can be a Christina. I am competitive and I want to be the best in what I do. The desire to excel is I think part of my genetic make up - it is just so natural. I don't need to be told that I need to do good - I just want to do well. It's not like I always succeed. I have failed several times, lots of times actually, but the want to be better or best has always and will always be there. I have lots of dreams and at 23, I don't think I'm even half way yet. I have sacrificed a lot to be where I am today and I think there are still a lot to sacrifice if I want to get to my dreams ASAP. But I don't have regrets - I am thankful that I made those decisions.

Like Christina, I am mean. I can be really mean if I want to and even if I try not to be - like being driven, it is also part of my genetic make up.I'm just glad that people know how to react to my opinions :)

Like Christina, I care a lot about my friends. I am also mean to them, but I know how to care. I am not the type of person who will say that things will be ok even if nothing can be crappier. I am not the type of friend who will pretend that everything's fine when they aren't. I am brutal because I know that that's the best way to deal with things. You can't baby tough situations - its not smart and it's not going to help.

and yeah...I have a thing for smart, mean, secretly romantic guys as well :)

why backpacking?

The topic of our annual barkada Christmas dinner was our recent trip to Kota Kinabalu. They all made fun of my fascination with the zoo and they all concluded that it was the highlight of my trip. It was fun, but the beach was and will always be the best part of any trip.

We also talked about future plans, like places to go in 2009. We all agreed on going on an out of the country trip again - but ofcourse given that there will be zero fares again. Daene and I are planning to go on a backpacking trip to Bali, Indonesia next year. We emphasized "backpacking" and Dozi asked "why does it have to be backpacking"? The default answer is that, I cannot afford a regular, hotel-based, shopping-spree oriented trip. I'd rather stay in a hostel (a really cheap one) and spend the rest of my pocket money on sight seeing and frog hunting. Other reasons include; meeting random strangers and hear stories of their travels, the thrill of commuting, seeing places that i thought only exist in movies and books and just the feeling of being somewhere else.

i wonder where I'm off to next...

Never think...

Never Think

(Rob Pattinson)

I should never think

What's in your heart

What's in our home

So I won't

You'll learn to hate me

But still call me baby

Oh love

So call me by my name

And save your soul

Save your soul

Before you're too far gone

Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide

when She'll lie in the end

I ain't got no fight in me

In this whole damn world

Tell you to hold off

You choose to hold on

It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on

I'm coming out in

this all wrong

She's standing outside holding me

Saying oh please

I'm in love

I'm in love

Girl save your soul

Go on save your soul

Before it's too far gone

And before nothing can be done

'Cause without me

You got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on Hold on

I am currently inlove with this song. Not only because Rob Pattinson wrote and sang it, but because I think it is a really beautiful song. It speaks off love and how the technicallities of life make it complicated. It's the most beautiful feeling known to man yet it's the most complicated.

I long for the day that I will just feel it, and not think about it much...just feel it...

i will be fabulous

for some weird reason, i can't blog in the office - anyhoo, im blogging now - at home

I'm not a good writer. I just write for the sake of writing - for the sake of putting my mind out there.

Anyhoo, I think the world is more than aware that we are currently economically challenged. When the emails started to flood my inbox, carrying not so nice news, i decided to panic. I decided becuase only a decision can make me think (i hope i made sense). The reality is scary and its right in the middle of everything. It's a huge elephant and we need to talk about it. I am thankful that I still have a job. I am thankful that my company cares about me and did not lay me off. A lot of people have lost their jobs. People who have kids, siblings to support, mouths to feed - people who are at this point in time worrying how to pay next month's rent.

I can go on and on about all the other scary stuffs that this recession will bring. I am not an economist, but I don't think situations like this need graphs and numbers to paint what is really happening.

So, how am I gonna ride the wave? I plan to go by my motto: accessorize with what you have. My decisions have been pretty much influenced by this belief and I think things are working out just fine so I need to re-apply.

I have been given several opportunities - to shine. I see them as challenges rather than additional work. I will use these opportunities - I will make them my accessories and make myself fabulous - its a decision.


Someday, my kids or grandchildren will ask me what I did during the 2008-2009 recession and I will proudly tell them; i was fabulous!

The Tale of 5 Stupid Tourists

Spent the long weekend in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia with my college friends - the funniest, craziest people you'll ever go on a trip with. We were not complete as the others decided to - not go. It was one hell of a weekend - never a dull moment. We laughed at almost anything - even those that other people won't find a bit funny. Maybe this is the reason why I am friends with these people, we can just look at each other and laugh boisterously.

Day 2 - Sun, sand and the deep blue
We spent the entire day "speed sailing" from one island to another. We were fortunate enough to have crazy drivers who granted us with free roller coaster rides in the sea. After we have parked our "bot", we looked for a spot where we can leave our stuffs before hitting the water. Good thing, there were very few tourists, we found a spot easily.And because we were poor stupid tourists, we didn't avail of the water sports and other water activities. Daene, Mabz and Dale did some snorkeling while carms and I sat on the shore with our ipods, cameras and sunblocks.

We transfered to the 2nd island around lunch time - well, to have lunch. Food was pretty much affordable, 2 ringgit for lunch is not bad - when you're a poor stupid tourist.The cool breeze and the sound of the waves made Carms and I sleepy. We went looking for a spot (we're into looking for spots)to lie down. We found a perfect spot and slept the rest of the 2 hours away.

We went to the final island and we saw a Komodo dragon - how exciting. We were hoping to see hot backpackers and all Kota Kinabalu can offer is a lonely, slow, sociable Komodo Dragon.

We got back at the lodge at around - i honestly can't remember. We then had dinner at a Malaysian Restaurant just beside the lodge.

After dinner, Mabz, Dale and I went to see Twilight while Carms and Daene walked around the city.

Day 3 - Green, wet, and lost
Day 4 - Hot, tired, and lost